How to Become a Dog Essay
There are many of us out there who admires the canine animal and wish to become one. There are several ways you can become a dog, I will list them and then identify the most practical way for you to turn into a dog. OK, let’s delve into the dog’s world.
Cast a Transformation Spell
Transformation Spells have been in use since the beginning of time. Remember that snake in the Garden of Eden? Well that was just a black guy who turned himself into a snake to hit on Adams main squeeze. The eagle on your dollar bill is actually the bird that most if not all presidents transform into as it represents vision, power and freedom. But most of all, that eagle will tear your ass up. If you want to transform into a dog, your first option is to cast this spell.
With a poof and a Woof
With a paw and no hoof
With a bliff and a sniff
With a wag and a spliff
With a lander and a Dander
And a scratch and a whimper
I summon upon the star of the bark
Transform me into a dog before a spark.
— The Spell Master
After you cast this transformation spell and turn into a dog i must tell you there is no turning back. What i mean is that you will be a bull or somebodies bitch forever. But look at the bright side of it all, meanwhile some dude is celebrating that he just saved a bunch of money by switching to some fancy car insurance, you on the other hand don’t need car insurance. That’s right, you can than me later.
The next best way to turn into a dog is to actually do what dogs do each and every day until you begin to transform into a dog. So these are the ten things you must do daily to become a dog. This has to be done for about six weeks. The good thing about this is that if you want to become human again, all you have to do is stop doing doggy things for about a week and viola! You are back into the human world of lies, tricks, pain hate and suffering!
1. Sniff other dogs butt.
There is simply no escaping this. All dogs do it and it is embedded into their DNA. To become a dog, you must sniff at least 5 dog butts during the course of transformation. This will enhance your dog nose smell by 10 folds.
2. Lick Yourself Regularly
This action is a must. There is no way you can transform into a dog without licking yourself. However impossible it may seem to do as a human. You must make your best effort to have your tongue reach those off limit areas.
3. Pee on trees and fire hydrants
All dogs pee, well so do we. But what you pee on and where you pee matters. If you are a male and becoming a dog, it is obvious that you will turn into a male dog. So you must first pee on trees, fire hydrants, flag pole and just about anything standing up. If you are a female then all you need to do is find a flat surface and pee on that surface.
4. Bark at The Mail/Delivery Man
You cannot complete your dog transformation without barking at the favorite guy every dog loves to hate. Get into the groove of chasing that mail man or delivery man away with those aggressive barks.
5. Dig a hole In The Back Yard
Get a nice gloves on, get on all fours and wag your rear end in excitement and begin digging a hole in your vegetable garden. You will feel excitement traverse in your body like a cop car chase.
6. Bite Someone
Yep, this action is a must. How can you complete the dog transformation without biting someone first. Find someone you who believe probably taste like chicken or turkey and give them a quick nip. Not only will you enjoy it, the person you bit may chase you and you get to run away like a dog.
7. Eat Dog Food.
Dogs just love to chow down on some dried or wet dog food. If you really want to become a dog, you must consume dog food for one month. Forget your chocolate ice cream or your strawberry cheese cake. Get down on some doggy biscuits.
Once you are in the process of doing these dog like things continuously, you will begin your transformation. First you will see your tail pop through your hind. Then you will begin to grow larger canine teeth. You will notice that your hearing as gone superior and your sense of smell godlike. After the transformation is complete, you will become a dog of any breed which matches your human characteristics.